Dating the recovering alcoholic
We’ve lazily and cruelly accepted this 5% odds of achieving success with AA. I see you out there, rolling your eyes, coughing, sneering, nodding off, shaking your heads… You who claim at nearly every meeting how humble you are today are so quick to mock someone else’s journey to recovery.I used to believe you were all grateful to AA for saving your drunk ass a needless life of misery and pain.I am drawn to men who are starkly different than my husband, who is an intellectual, moderate in terms of his vices and has a disdain for the type of men who spend every evening in a pub.I have a drinking problem but it is not a problem I feel any need to resolve and I am drawn to men who are also drinkers like me.
I have taken far more advantage of the openness of our marriage than my husband, at least until recently.
Start telling newcomers our outdated books may not be the help they need. There are other proven ways to stop drinking or to drink safely. You see, unlike you, I’m here to actually help people recover which means I care a lot about any method that helps a person. Born from a hopeless world that offered drunks nothing? Here we are, 80 years later, ignoring anything else that could help. All of you who moan and groan about signing court slips can shut the hell up. Back when he wrote To Wives and lied, saying the wives wrote it. Yet, we vote down safety policies and blame the victims, because we have god-consciousness, right? They violated the US Constitution letting the government impose religion on us.
SMART Recovery, SOS, Life Ring, Women for Sobriety, Moderation Management, and HAMS for harm reduction. Ask AA to stop printing guidelines about how to carry AA into courts and prisons instead of blaming courts and prisons for sending them to us. Us volunteers can leave at any time because we follow traditions. We laugh at our 13 Stepping because in here sexual harassment is the norm even if the rest of the world calls it a misdemeanor. We can’t even change our sexist literature, and we tell the women we supposedly love in these rooms to stop bitching about it. Back when “blacks only” meetings were something we cannot change. We are so full of shit, in fact, we ridicule the rehabs for softening the message. We forget the fact that if not for AA, if not for Marty Mann, a lesbian and a woman no less, and a study that skewed the facts, the AMA would not have deemed alcoholism a disease. We forget our members invented rehab’s Minnesota Model in order to make 12 Step recovery a profitable and insurable solution. We deny responsibility whenever a member abuses another member. AA admits no wrong doing, in fact, they offer no comment, no condolences at all. We have the audacity to say we live on spiritual terms but our organization remains silent about a member murdered by another member? You wanna tell me AA has no opinion on outside issues? So we have no qualms telling people “you have thinking problems,” yet we expect these same “stinkin’ thinkers” to be capable of obey rules that are non-existent? Why does the government get to infringe on our rights? The stigma against us drunks and druggies has not been solved by AA. Why can’t we announce our so-called diseases proudly? AA tells us we’ll kill AA if we told anyone we belonged here. But even a 9 year old can tell you real love doesn’t involve shame.
Without this program, I’m capable of maintaining these changes. Not a faith in an outside power, but a faith in myself. I don’t need your approval, or your approval, or yours… If I disagree with something in the program, and you are angry at me for that, then you reflect someone I never want to be. In fact, if I leave this program, it’s because there’s no room for healthy criticism around here. The only requirement is a desire to stop drinking, so I don’t even have to stop drinking just have the desire. But I’ve changed my life, and it’s my life, not AA’s life to claim as another trophy in its case; another brick in the wall.
If you don’t like my honesty, then you don’t like honesty at all, period.
So to all my hostages, I hope you poured enough coffee!