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Therefore my advice is to accept (for now) the conciliatory offers he's making, even though they will never be 'enough'. With a third person mediating, you should be able to thrash out many issues, including the important one of what you tell your grown-up children.
There's his fear of ageing, your own grief for all you have lost in the past couple of years, how you face up to disillusionment, what would help you rebuild, and so on.
I cope with these body issues every day and my husband's clear rejection of me is very hard to take.
I always thought we'd love each other whatever life threw at us.
If he does think he has become addicted to online sites then he should seek counselling for himself, as well as couple counselling with you.
But nothing he does - no clothes he buys or ladies he flirts with online - will halt the ageing process.
Also, playing around online is a serious form of infidelity, and cannot be argued away because no sex takes place.
let him walk naked and see how appealing women find his ageing body! You sound pleased that he is at least trying - very late in the day - to work on himself and help save the marriage.
You also make the very important point that you no longer feel so much his victim as before.
Some 18 months on, I've discovered him online dating again. He's undermined our marriage once more, but denies this is infidelity as he's 'just looking' and doesn't do anything!