Dating a woman going through a divorce
” In it, I concluded that it’s up to the individual. And just cause you WANT to move on from your previous relationships does not mean you’re really READY to. Generally, if you’re dating immediately after divorce, you’re hurt, reeling and looking for a safe harbor in the storm that is singledom. He thought he was ready for another committed relationship but needed a break before moving ahead. He told her he’d come back after he had time to sort things out. Very reasonable men want to love again, and are shocked to find out that it’s not possible.
The exact quote was “if you’ve mourned, if you’ve healed, if you’ve made peace – then you’re ready whenever you say you’re ready.” Allow me to correct myself. I have a client who went out with a man who was separated. On the other hand, you’ve heard tales of men who went seamlessly from one relationship to another without a break.
Here is a checklist: You must be definite that he is actually getting a divorce and has not just taken a few weeks off from his marriage to "find himself" or "get space." Are papers being filed or served? Any reports of progress are a green light that he is headed in the right direction as a possible partner for you.
Any stalling, or worse, attempts at reconciliation are red lights for you to put a stop to seeing him until he is officially, legally single. If so, that tells you that he is willing to work on disagreements as well as letting you know that the divorce was not a rash decision.
Do you advise your clients to take the date or run as quick as possible?All you can do is trust your gut and don’t second guess yourself every step of the way. Dating a guy who is going through a divorce can be a different type of relationship that not all women are equipped to deal with.Because of these contradictions, you have to do a reality check and assess whether a) he’s invested in you as a long-term partner, or b) whether you’re his transitional woman as he segues into single life.Like knowing when to sleep with a guy, this is about intuition, not hard and fast rules.
Of course, in his defense, she may have put on a good act and left him as a devious surprise to maximize his pain and to give her a stronger position in the divorce proceedings.